Mama loves it when people ask her who cuts my hair.  Mama doesn’t take me to the groomers because she doesn’t trust them — she didn’t want to leave me alone with the groomers but she thought it would be strange if she waited at the groomers with me.  So to solve this dilemma, Mama cuts my hair and she is quite proud of her work.

Mama always cuts my hair short for the summer. When fall arrives, Mama leaves my hair long like a show dog. While daddy loved my haircuts, he doesn’t let mama cut his hair. Instead, daddy goes to a barber. There is, however, one time when daddy cut his own hair.

Daddy used to get his haircuts from a place called <redacted>. One day, the barber was cutting daddy’s hair like a topiary. Literally — the barber was holding the hair trimmer like a hedger and was making passes around daddy’s head like he was trimming a shrub. Daddy, who is usually quiet, told the barber to stop when he noticed that his head looked like a ball.

When Mama saw daddy’s haircut, Mama laughed. Mama tried to make daddy feel better by telling him that his hair would grow out. After a week, daddy’s head still looked like a ball. I tried to make daddy feel better by giving him my favorite toy but that only made it worse. Daddy took the trimmer, which mama uses to cut my hair, and shaved his head bald.

After daddy shaved his head, I didn’t recognize daddy. Instead, I thought that there was a stranger in the house. Mama and daddy didn’t invite people over to the house because they were afraid that i would get sick since I haven’t gotten all my puppy shots. The stranger said, “come here come here” but I was unsure.

I remember thinking, “how did this stranger enter the house without me knowing? I have been doing a good job guarding the front door ” then I realized what must have happened.   That strange dog in the house, who only shows up in the bathroom, must have let him into the house. The bathroom had sliding closet doors, which were mirrored. I enjoyed growling at him. But when he growls back, I run away. I don’t think he is that bright though because if there was only one room that i would show up in, it would be the kitchen. But luckily that dog isn’t that bright otherwise the stranger may have gotten to my food.

The stranger repeated, “come here come here.” The stranger’s voice sounded like daddy but he didn’t look like daddy. I went over cautiously but my tail was wagging. I sniffed him. He smelled like daddy. I gave the stranger a kiss. Luckily, he tasted just like daddy else I wouldn’t know what I would have done — probably would have given him my favorite toy.

Mama had a bright idea — she was going to setup a litter box in the living room so I can potty inside the house. Mama didn’t want me to potty outside because I may get wet when it rains. Daddy, however, was against the idea. He told Mama that a little rain won’t hurt me, annual rain fall is only 3.5 inches, and a inside litter box would smell up the house. Mama, who can be quite stubborn, however, disregarded Daddy’s arguments.

So the next day, Mama and Daddy went to Walmart and purchased a (1) Rubbermaid Under-Bed Storage Box; and (2) a box of kitty litter. Daddy, however, forgot to pick up a lid for the Storage Box, which was included with the purchase price. Daddy probably forgot because the lids were semi-hidden on the shelf and he didn’t think about the lid since the Storage Box was going to be used as a litter box.

When they got home, Daddy placed some newspapers on the floor; put the Storage Box on top of the newspapers; and filled the Storage Box with kitty litter. Mama supervised.

Daddy and Mama then just stared at me. I knew that Daddy and Mama wanted me to do something. Of course, I knew exactly what to do. I am P-, a purebred golden retriever. My grandfather was an AKC champion. Also, I was raised in a house with four cats.

So I felt pretty confident when I walked into the Storage Box and laid on top of the kitty litter. To my surprise, Mama and Daddy didn’t seem to be pleased when I started rolling on top of the kitty litter. I wanted to please Mama and Daddy so I stopped rolling and tried to remember what other things cats do in a litter box.

“ah I remember”

I got out of the Storage Box, kitty litter stuck to my golden fur, grabbed some toys and went back inside the Storage Box. To ensure that I was doing the right thing, I made sure that my entire body, including my tail, was inside the Storage Box.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t what Mama and Daddy wanted either. Mama and Daddy looked sad. They told me to leave the litter box. I got frustrated so I started tearing up the newspapers on the floor, which only made Mama sadder.

Finally, Mama took me outside to potty. Daddy poured the kitty litter back into the container box. Daddy went back to Walmart to return the Storage Box but he was unable to get a refund since he forgot to pick up a lid.

Two years later, the box of kitty litter was still in the garage.  As for the Storage Box, ….